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Post by ThatOneGuy on Dec 10, 2014 2:17:35 GMT
* Benny begins feeling the fanfic influence *
If you guys want me to make a fanfic you could have just asked.
" One day there was an electric mouse. It found a pile of purple jelly. They kissed "
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Post by Durga on Dec 10, 2014 3:40:00 GMT
* Benny begins feeling the fanfic influence *If you guys want me to make a fanfic you could have just asked.
" One day there was an electric mouse. It found a pile of purple jelly. They kissed " That is the most disgusting thing I've ever read you sick motherfucker. |
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Post by Cordyceps sapiens on Dec 10, 2014 8:08:53 GMT
* Benny begins feeling the fanfic influence *If you guys want me to make a fanfic you could have just asked.
" One day there was an electric mouse. It found a pile of purple jelly. They kissed " DID THEY REPRODUCE. DID THE PROGENY ALL RESEMBLE THE RODENT. YOU ARE LEAVING SO MUCH UNANSWERED |
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Post by ThatOneGuy on Dec 10, 2014 8:24:28 GMT
* Benny begins feeling the fanfic influence *If you guys want me to make a fanfic you could have just asked.
" One day there was an electric mouse. It found a pile of purple jelly. They kissed " DID THEY REPRODUCE. DID THE PROGENY ALL RESEMBLE THE RODENT. YOU ARE LEAVING SO MUCH UNANSWERED |
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Louis
Magboil Handler
Oh good a terrible death place.
Posts: 996 
Favorite Disease: Bullet to the face syndrome
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Post by Louis on Dec 10, 2014 21:55:59 GMT
*Louis' only pornographic image in his brain is literally just a shotgun being cleaned. Not in the sexual way, but the clean way.*
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Post by ThatOneGuy on Dec 11, 2014 1:22:50 GMT
*Louis' only pornographic image in his brain is literally just a shotgun being cleaned. Not in the sexual way, but the clean way.* |
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Post by High-Heeled Spider Crab on Dec 12, 2014 11:33:26 GMT
"WOWEEE" SAID JACK, THSE SHUR ARE SOME ENOUROMUS TITTY-DICKS FANFIC DEMON! THEN HE GGGRABBED BOOB AND SQUEZED AND SWQUSZED UNITL FANFIC JUISCE CAME OUT OF THE TIYTY DICKS. IT WAS HOT
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Dr. Caliginous, VII
Frequent Core Shifter
Tarnished silver is silver still
Posts: 1,228
Favorite Disease: A pox on both your houses
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Post by Dr. Caliginous, VII on Dec 16, 2014 1:06:26 GMT
Oh, very well, if we're all revealing our shames...
DOCUMENT SIXTEEN
Property of Dr. Ivan Oscar Victor Cornelius Randolph Curious the Seventh, Esq., Cmdr., HMS., BBL., Etc.
DO NOT READ UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES
THIS IS NOT FOR YOU
Section one: Legally Obligated To Say Nice Things About Hell
Part the first of eight: Mercury, or The Messenger (Beginnings?)
That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die
-Abdul Alhazred, Necronomicon
Can't somebody shut that old fool up?
-Ernest B. Aspinwall, Through The Gates Of The Silver Key
It is not without great reluctance that I finally record these hideous thoughts that have graced my tormented mind and memory. Partially, it is because they are physically difficult to recall, no doubt the result of my addled psyche. Partly it is because I wish to have forgotten what I now know to be hideous truth. And partly it is because the whole thing is an embarassing travesty for all involved.
But I must tell it, if only to convince I myself that I can. If I can commit these words to paper (Is that what I'm doing? Am I thinking these things instead of writing them? Note to self, figure out what this thing is), it shall convince me that I at least possess the basic functionality to write.
I do not know precisely when it began. It could be that this is merely the smallest part of a design that has unfolded since the very dawn of time, my whole existence merely a means to some unforseeable end. It could indeed predate reality, and last far beyond whatever comes afterwards. It could also have begun last Tuesday. Who knows?
From youth I have been a dreamer. Now, unless I misjudge society it is not unusual to experience dreams. What is odd is to experience dreams of such startling vividness and consistency, and moreover to have those dreams carry their effects over into the realm of waking thought. I recall distinctly an occasion where my mind conjured a horribly prophetic vision of some vaulted academy, and a horrendous god who brought terrible pain to parts of the anatomy that should be obvious to most of my acquaintaces. These wounds were kept with me long after the pain in the dream ceased, and with them the strange regenerative faculty that a certain other indescribable entity brought unto me.
In spite of this I carried on a relatively normal life. I received no higher education (not needing it due to a strange case of excessive brilliance and being super popular), and received a popular election to the position of Conglomerate Ambassador, though none would place much veracity in my claims of being the rightful duke. Mainly because the British had been overthrown and we hadn't been a duchy for ten years. Bah! Such piddling complaints.
And then from the darkness of... 39? I believe thirty-nine centuries came Nyarlathotep, who had visited my father before me. He came from the far, terrible world of Yuggoth, where the warm seas concealed the maddening cities from whence he came (Came from whence he? Whichever one it is). He told me of the Great Old Ones, and the Mi-go, adding to terrible hints I had acquired from my perusal of the Necronomicon. But the frightful secret which most affected me was the truth of my... (what word would one use here? Is there a word for a parent who is an alien genderless being who can implant hybrid spawn in the corpse of any sapient being? Consult dictionary later).
And yet Nyarlathotep said that I had an important role to play in the course of future events. That was why he had come, in his faint fractured manifestation while he lay imprisoned. He wished to make a pact with me, to further both of our roles in the coming designs of fate. He had a contract, written for my signature. Fairly standard, he told me. Three sacrifices, to be redeemed at my will one at a time, in exchange for a favor up to his discretion. One each of mind, soul, and body. I agreed to the contract, figuring that if worst came to worst at least the sacrifice of body PROBABLY wouldn't be something perverted (it later turned out not to be, though not for lack of perversion on his part). He had, in fact, a proposal for my first sacrifice. If I would allow my mind to be opened to the truth of reality, he could make it so the minds of my many selves were one.
I signed. No blood, of course, not these days. Horribly messy stuff, no sense in wasting it on something as silly as a piece of paper. Said we oughta take his pen 'N' sign on the line for a real good time, however that song goes. Which song? That song. The one the album is named for. What are you, stupid? Probably. Where was I? Have we gotten to the part with the sharks yet? No, wait, I remember.
My mind saw the fast gulf of space and time, and I saw as the image zoomed past that such things were one, and many, and nonexistent. All things are true, somewhere. Even falsehoods, contradictions, and the idea that there are things which are untrue anywhere. A bowl of onions, with each onion having layers, and each layer being an onion with all the other onions as layers. Except the onions are ogres, and the ogres are reality. There was one of me, across every reality (/onion/ogre), and I could feel myself torn between them. And then I faded from existence completely, and woke up elsewhere in a place that existed to an equal degree.
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Dr. Caliginous, VII
Frequent Core Shifter
Tarnished silver is silver still
Posts: 1,228
Favorite Disease: A pox on both your houses
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Post by Dr. Caliginous, VII on Dec 16, 2014 14:42:17 GMT
Part the second of eight: Venus, or the Temptress (Unbearable heat?)
Haha, well now, we call this the act of mating.
-Bloodhound Gang, The Bad Touch
Lucky for you I'm a dog lover.
-Shaggy, The Misadventures Of Skooks
WARNING: DO NOT READ
FOR MORTAL EYES SOME THINGS ARE NOT MEANT
Where am I? I am here. Where is here? Here is no place. What am I? I am thought. I am Mu. I am the eye. The mind's I, the brain's U, and the Tortoise is kind of an asshole, when you think about it. I do believe I'm feeling the effects. Effect an effect and it will surely affect the effect of effecting an effect.
The mind. The mind was the first trip. The hamburger? The war? What? Both of those were stupid. Really, it's like I wasn't even me. A horrendous prototype of me, if you will. The mind was first, for our purposes. It is in any case the first significant one. It was there that I met first The King (Not Cabadath's King, but Kazuaki's King. Did you know what that meant? Well done!), and then quickly the rest of the major entities. The mushrooms. The spider. My father (Though he hasn't been seen in quite a while. Or has he? No, probably not). TWO HORRENDOUS JERKS WHO ARE BIG LOSERS AND SMELL KIND OF BAD. Well. The second jerk isn't as bad? But he was still kind of a jerk, honestly. The acid and everything. That was actually the first time my recurring wound really happened, come to think of it. But I digress, depress, obsess, and digress again in the middle of a sentence.
I forget precisely what was happening in the world of physical sensation when, shall we say, the fan was hit by unpleasant substances. I know it was before we learned the treachery of doors. Doors, by the way, should never be trusted in any circumstance. Wait, wait, I believe I recall now. Was it when we checked back up on that depressed fellow and he told us the true meaning of the holidays? I think so. The nurse was obviously fascinated by what he had to say, and there was talk of romance. Then some fool had to go and mention romance between thought-beings.
Some other neural blight went ahead and blanketly declared everyone romantically paired with everyone else. At first, my greatest worry was the idea of associating with the BIG LOSER CLOWN TYRANT JACKASS, but I quickly realized that my father, may he rest in peace down in the gullet of Dread Cthulhu, was there. It didn't take long for us to have similar thoughts about the implied possibility, and similar degrees of disgust. But even in the realm of thoughts there were beings of thoughts within thoughts, thought by the beings of thought within the thoughts of beings. Get the picture?
The spider was one such being (But let's not start that rigamarole again). Ordinarily, her emotions consisted of disdain, anger, sadness, disguised confusion, and apathy. But for some reason (explained afterwards as a mental link, though later I found she was goddess of pleasure for a short time, so), mentioning that propelled her into an entirely new and wholly undesirable state of omnilust, for lack of a better term. Most of which was directed at me. Fortunately, there was a visiting cephalopod noble with whom I had forged peace, and so I was able to hide in his oven. Such was the first of several events (But less than there were before this writing. When the gods want to change something, reality gets changed.) following a similar pattern, scattered throughout a few realities here and there.
The one that is burned foremost into my mind occurred high in the dreamlands, in the mountains where dwelt the Old Gods and where lay the secrets of Kadath. Nyarlathotep was there, in the guise of the pharaoh. Such was the form he generally took, I am told, although when we first met he was just some guy in a suit. The world changes. He showed me all the kingdoms of Earth and promised they could be mine. What he had told me before, he said, was only part of the riddle of life. All other pantheons of gods also existed, reincarnated continuously. I, he told me, was one such god, the Greek Eros. I was young and foolish (Now I am merely foolish), and believed him. Certain shouted things in the mad realms of the actual gods seemed to confirm this. Who knew the gods not only played dice with the universe, but joked as they did so?
He smiled coyly. Such godhood had an influence, he said, even over other deities. Did I know what he was implying? Unfortunately past events (which have now been un-evented. What a night for a knight to come in the night) caused me to have a good idea of exactly what he implied. He was a busy deity, and there was no sense in wasting time. If we were going to do this, he said, we may as well make it quick.
Nyarlathotep assumed the true form of the soul of the Great Old Ones. The dream dulled the effects somewhat, but nonetheless there was a terrible mixture of awe and dread emanating from the thing. A towering monolith of writhing flesh, a living column of indescribable shapes. There were things done atop that mountain I am ashamed to admit even to my innermost private thoughts, although I'm sure if this gets out to the world there will be plenty of eager young women to write approximations of what happened in sickeningly exquisite detail.
Did. Did I seriously just commit that to paper (Note: am I committing this to paper?) for all the world to see. Did I. I. That. I do believe I need to stop writing for a while and place my head into a bucket of ice. Dear lord what have I done. I'll have to make a warning somewhere on this chapter...
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Dr. Caliginous, VII
Frequent Core Shifter
Tarnished silver is silver still
Posts: 1,228
Favorite Disease: A pox on both your houses
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Post by Dr. Caliginous, VII on Dec 16, 2014 20:24:43 GMT
Part the third of eight: Earth, or The All-progenitor (Homestead?)
Yroo! Xrksvi! Girzmtov!
-Unknown (probably a wise philosopher)
[...]like it was 1599. The price of a regular cat planet.
-Unknown (probably a wise philosopher)
-Note: write chapter three here. Ideally, cover the helicopter race through to the battle of Waterloo. DON'T FORGET THE PART WITH THE SHARKS.
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Post by edgelord on Dec 21, 2014 0:37:57 GMT
U knew I had a love oynce. But ten I comited all those MURDERS.
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Post by High-Heeled Spider Crab on Dec 21, 2014 0:47:48 GMT
U knew I had a love oynce. But ten I comited all those MURDERS. you poor, lonely soul |
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Post by edgelord on Dec 21, 2014 0:52:01 GMT
U knew I had a love oynce. But ten I comited all those MURDERS. you poor, lonely soul Im not lonly I hav spykes! |
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Post by High-Heeled Spider Crab on Dec 21, 2014 0:56:51 GMT
Im not lonly I hav spykes! yeah you keep telling yourself that *pats your head* |
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Post by edgelord on Dec 21, 2014 1:01:25 GMT
Im not lonly I hav spykes! yeah you keep telling yourself that *pats your head* ,--. ([ oo] `- ^\ _ I`-' ,o(`-V' |( `-H-' |(`--A-' |(`-/_\'\ O `'I ``\\ (\ I |\, \\-T-"`, |H *U TRUN TO THIS* |
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